Welcome to the Mom Guilt Chronicles

A Journey from Self-Doubt to Confidence

Qef from The Magical Birth

Jan 30, 2024

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Hey fabulous moms!

Let’s talk about that sneaky, insidious feeling known as mom guilt. You know what I'm talking about. Those moments when you're convinced you're totally botching this whole motherhood thing. It’s that voice constantly whispering in your ear, questioning every parenting decision you make. Like an uninvited guest at your dinner party, it just won’t leave. As a mom of four, I've been the queen of the 'I could've done better' parade more times than I care to admit. From those small 'oops, I forgot to pack their lunch’' to the heart-wrenching decision of leaving my first marriage and needing to work long hours to support my family. Each of these moments was like adding a brick to my backpack of guilt, weighing me down with endless questions and self-doubt.

Unpacking Mom Guilt

Let me spill the latte about a recent curveball in my parenting journey. We decided to get my youngest checked out for a speech delay. And you know, developmental delays are one of those things that's spiked since the pandemic turned our lives into a real-life version of Jumanji. Once we started her evaluations, boy, did the mom guilt hit me like a truck. There I was, wondering if it was because of that Tylenol I took during pregnancy, or maybe those YouTube marathons I let her watch when I was exhausted from sleepless nights. Did my battle with perinatal depression play a part? It felt like I was the one being evaluated, not just my little one. But here’s the real talk – it's not my fault, or any mom's for that matter. It's just the rollercoaster of life, throwing its twists and turns at us. We're all just doing our best in this wild world of parenting.

Let’s dissect this beast called mom guilt. It lurks in the shadows of our busy lives, feeding on our insecurities and society’s unrealistic expectations. It's a shape-shifter, appearing in various forms – from a forgotten permission slip to the anxiety of major health decisions. But let's pause and ponder – is this guilt really ours to bear?

The Myths and Madness of Mom Guilt

Myth: The Perfect Mom Never Falters
Imagine a world where moms never make mistakes. Sounds like a plot for a sci-fi movie, right? (SN: Did you watch “I am Mother”?) Moms are humans, not robots programmed for perfection. Embrace the chaos – it's proof you're alive and kicking.
Myth: Guilt is the Badge of a Caring Mom
Whoever started this myth probably also believed that the earth was flat. Caring for your children doesn’t mean you have to marinate in guilt. It’s about loving fiercely, laughing loudly, and sometimes just winging it.
Myth: To Be a Good Mom, You Must Sacrifice Everything
This one’s as outdated as flip phones. Being a good mom isn't about losing yourself in parenthood. It's about finding the balance, juggling the roles, and sometimes just locking the bathroom door for five minutes of peace and almost quiet.

In a world where 'perfect parenting' is a myth sold to us by movies and Instagram feeds, it’s easy to feel like we’re falling short. But here’s the raw truth – perfect parenting doesn’t exist. It’s as real as the Tooth Fairy and Tax Refunds. We’re navigating through a complex world, trying to raise our kids the best we can. And that, my mamas, is more than enough.

A Roadmap to Shedding Mom Guilt

Spot the Guilt Triggers
First up, let’s play detective. Identify what sets off your guilt. Is it a comment from a well-meaning relative or a post on social media? Recognize these triggers and arm yourself with the truth – you're doing your best.
Lean on Your Tribe
Find your people – those fellow parents who know exactly what you're going through. Share, vent, and laugh about your mom guilt episodes. There’s strength in numbers, and a shared laugh can be the best medicine.
Embrace Self-Care
Self-care isn’t just about spa days and pedicures (though those are nice!). It’s about finding moments to recharge, whether it’s reading a book, going for a walk, or just enjoying a quiet cup of coffee. You can’t pour from an empty cup, so fill yours up first. (Read my post about that here)
Set Achievable Goals
Forget about chasing perfection; it's a mirage. Instead, set small SMART goals for yourself. Maybe it's cooking one homemade meal a week or just taking ten minutes a day to meditate. Celebrate these little victories—they add up.
Laugh It Off
Humor is your secret weapon. Laugh at the absurdity, the chaos, and even your own mistakes. A good chuckle can turn a tough day around and keep mom guilt at bay. I suggest watching a Stand-up Show on Netflix at least once a month.
Celebrate the Small Stuff
Did you manage to drink your coffee while it was still warm today? I did not. So that’s a win in the mom world. Acknowledge and celebrate these small moments of joy and success
Mindfulness Matters
In the middle of chaos, a deep breath can be a lifesaver. Mindfulness isn't just a buzzword; it's a sanity preserver. It’s about being present in the moment and not getting lost in the 'what ifs.
Prioritize Pleasure
Oxytocin is your lover. Do something daily that brings you joy. It doesn’t have to be big. Sometimes, the simple act of watching your favorite show uninterrupted at 1 am or enjoying a quiet hobby can recharge your batteries.

Embracing Your Authentic Mom-Self

As we navigate this wild journey called motherhood, let’s pledge to rewrite the script. Let's replace guilt with grace, doubt with confidence, and fear with laughter. Remember, you're more than enough, just as you are – fabulous, flawed, and fiercely loving.

Affirmations for the Guilt-Ridden Mom

"I am an amazing mom, and my best is more than enough."
"Each day, I choose joy and self-forgiveness over guilt and self-doubt."
"I am the heart of my family, strong, loving, and irreplaceable."

Join the Moms’ Chat

Now, I want to hear from you. Share your mom guilt stories, how you've tackled them, and what you've learned along the way. Let's support each other in this beautiful, messy, and rewarding journey of motherhood. And if you've enjoyed this heart-to-heart, don't forget to subscribe for more candid mom chats!